Talkin' Dirty

Just got back from shoppin’ at Cheshire Trees, I dos like shoppin’ there, much more choice than at that “retail park” in Llandudno. I fink theys gorra cheek callin’ ita “Retail Park”, bit like me callin’ a pimple on me bum a “boil”. I no soona git me credit card out than Ive bin round it.
The town itself aint much berra, loadsa closed shops an’ dirty as a tramps bedroom, not tha’ as bin in a tramp’s bedroom mind, but ya knows worra mean. Iraint nice, is it, when yas got rubbish blowin’ al ova the shop coz the binmen aint dun their job properlike. I seen ‘em takin’ bags outta bins an’ leavin’ ‘em fer the seagulls ta play wiv, wot tossers ‘eh. I told my Byron “Them binmen is tossers” he said I shunt call ‘em tossers.... he’s right... the wankers.
Anywaz gorra nice few fings from Chester Oaks, new fongs an’ bikinis, gorra be careful wiv them fong fings, they keep goin’ up fer a snack an’ i as ta keep pullin’ ‘em out, me Byron prefers me ta go Commando burrit getsa bit drafty in this wevva dunnit, mind you as got me Caribbean trip cummin up, my Byron says I’ll havvta be careful of them Didyamakem geezers, he rekons theysal be all ovva me like a rash...... sounds fun!
Sees ya.